Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

Be who you already are.

It’s here now, writing to you.

It’s still here.

Ask Ethan: What would the Universe be like without dark matter? - Big Think

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

I had run out of hope.

Why am I not attracted to masculine men? Why do I like more feminine attributes on a man?

I was tired of fighting.

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

What would explain Trump blaming Ukraine for starting the war with Russia?

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

You are like me, then.

How does it feel to be in a marriage without any love?

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

Father who killed 3 daughters was 'active dad' but the 'system failed' him, ex-wife's attorney says - ABC News

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

I was tired of trying and failing.

What is it like to be a Christian in Iran?

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

Here's a fresh look at Clockwork Revolution, coming "in due time" - Eurogamer

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

The sadness was still there.

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

What do dreams about dead people mean?

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

In space, no one can hear you scream — But it still gets incredibly noisy - Salon.com

And the sadness?

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.